Dress and Distress
by drowsyfantasy
Summary: Just a silly little something I whipped up for a friend's birthday. Slash, crossdressing. GeorgeMelchett, with mentions of GeorgeFlasheart and GeorgeBob.
1. Dress and Distress

Disclaimer: I own nothing, just the silly plot.

* * *

It was evenings like this, George thought to himself as he sat in the dripping trench, that he really questioned the need for gravity. The day had been quiet, the evening was calm, and even Captain Blackadder seemed to be in a good mood. Why, he hadn't said a cruel word all day! Then again, George tilted his head slightly, he couldn't really tell if that was true, since the Captain was a master of the 'art of sarcasm' as he'd dubbed it; he shrugged and decided that since Private Baldrick hadn't recieved a kick all afternoon, that the Captain was indeed in a good mood.  
And the sunset was absolutely gorgeous. It made him want to paint. His fingers positively itched. Of course that might've meant he had lice or something, but he liked to think it was the urge to pick up a paintbrush.  
Grinning, he went down and inside the small bunk to retrieve his easel.  
He found Captain Blackadder on the phone.  
"Yes sir. No sir. Yes. _Yes_, sir. _No_, sir, she is dead. I told you she stepped on a bloody land mine. All right, fine." he hung up with a sigh. Turning, he rolled his eyes at George.  
"Something the matter, Captain?" George blinked, coming over to see how he could help, painting driven completely from his mind.  
"I'll tell you what's wrong, _Chipmunk_" - George nearly giggled at the nickname - "the Walrus keeps forgetting that you're dead."  
"I'm not dead." George frowned, touching his chest lightly over his heart. "At least, I think I'm not."  
"Not you, George - he wants to see your better half again."  
"My what, Captain?"  
"Georgina."  
George blinked. "But didn't you tell him that - "  
Blackadder proceeded to bang his head against the desk. George, alarmed, hurried to his side and held his back upright. "Captain, you'll hurt yourself!"   
"That's the point..."  
George tried to think. He bit his lip, chewing on it for a bit, then got a brilliant idea.   
"Permission to share my idea, sir!"  
"Permission granted, now let go of me."  
"Sir." George dropped him. "Why don't you tell him that you made a mistake? You saw someone else wander off? Or maybe she just got lost but came back again?"  
"George." Blackadder looked up at him as though he were from Mars. "Are you saying you want to put on a dress and go gallivanting into old Walrus' arms?"  
"Oh, but it was _such_ fun!" George clasped his hands together. "And besides, he misses me. What harm could it do for a few more nights?" 


	2. Harm and Harmony

Disclaimer: I own nothing, just the silly plot.

* * *

George twirled about in front of Baldrick, hands clasping the frilly edges of his sleeves.   
"Well? What d'you think?" he half-giggled, bouncing slightly.  
"I think you look lovely, sir." Baldrick smiled proudly, bowing as George curtsied to him.  
"I think you're both utterly mad." Captain Blackadder scowled, returning from HQ. "George, finish getting ready. Your date with Walrus begins in less than ten minutes."  
George clapped his hands together, sighing with anticipation. "Oh, the fun we'll have...walking in the moonlight...fine dining..."  
"Tempted to do that myself so I can get a good meal..." Baldrick said wistfully.  
"Private, you wouldn't look like a woman if a fairy waved her magic wand and turned you into one." Blackadder sighed, returning to his desk to write.  
"Nonsense, why, he'd make such a pretty girl!" George said, bending over the small shaving mirror so he could apply the dark red lipstick and blush to his cheeks. "Humm. Shall I go with the eye-pencils or not?"   
"By all means, gouge your eyes out." Blackadder didn't look up from his writing. "When you're done, go outside. Bob is waiting with the car."  
George gave himself one final glance-over, then swept outside, feeling as if every step were lighter than air.  
Bob seemed very impressed.  
"You look ravishing, Georgie." she grinned at him, as she drove up towards HQ. "Wig's a bit off though - here." she adjusted it a little, then smiled again. "There we go."  
"Thank you so much, Bob." he fiddled with his hands in his lap. "I must confess - now that we're here - I'm rather nervous."  
"You'll be fine, you'll be fine!" she helped him out and hugged him. "I'll be in the front if you need me."  
"Oh, Bob - if you weren't a boy - I'd give you such a kiss!" he sighed.   
"Wouldn't you kiss me anyway? Surely you'd kiss Melchett, and he's a man..." Bob wheedled, taking George's hand.  
"Oh, right." he pecked her briefly on the cheek, then hurried off into the building.  
She leaned against the car, touching her face where his lips still seemed to burn, and rubbed the little bit of lipstick between her fingertips.  
"Good luck." she said aloud into the quiet night. 


End file.
